I was a little bit afraid when I signed in to my blog tonight that it would reject me, saying, "Who do you think you are, biotch? I haven't heard from you for two weeks! Someone else is writing me now, so take a hike."
Seriously, I thought I would experience at least some form of disdain. When you were a kid, did you ever find yourself writing, "Dear Diary, I'm really sorry I haven't written in so long..."
That was probably just me...I am even codependent with myself. Sad, really.
Back to the matter at hand. I have been following the old adage, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." I have been angry...and hungry...and mean.
I can honestly say that I have never dieted as part of a New Years resolution until now. Let me be clear: it was not by choice. If you had told me in December that I would be giving up all processed foods (fast, starchy, salty goodness) I would have said, "I'm going to pretend like you did not say that." In fact, when my cousin told me that she was starting a cleanse that would eventually lead to "clean eating," I honestly felt a little betrayed. How could she leave our teen aged diet behind? It was a source of secret pride that we could still eat chips, pizza, burgers, etc. and not be terribly chunky (as we should be).
But, eventually, folks, we all have to face the music. Pay the piper, as it were. You see, I have a genetic predisposition to high blood pressure and anxiety, which does not help the b.p. My parents put off taking medication until their 50's and 60's because they do not eat like idiots. I, however, feed my kids really well but my diet usually consists whatever is handy out of the pantry and can be eaten on a paper towel, standing up. Classy.
Just for kicks and giggles, I took my blood pressure at CVS while waiting for a prescription and almost peed myself. My usual 120/78 did not pop up...let's just say it was an appropriate b.p. for a 50 year old Kate. I panicked, repeatedly shoving my arm in the cuff as I watched the numbers go higher. And then, I went home and cried.
Yup. My husband (and you) might think I'm a big baby. That's okay. You guys don't understand my relationship with food. If I am planing a vacation, it centers around where we are going to eat. My budget for the week revolves around what I'm going to eat. Don't ever offer me Prada or Gucci. Just take me out to dinner. My husband and I don't exchange birthday or anniversary presents. You guessed it! We eat.
So, my crying was an appropriate response to the realization that chips, pastries, mac n' cheese, pizza, fast food, and a whole lot of other good stuff would no longer be a part of my life. Now, I read labels. I do not marinade and smother with condiments. I lightly season and steam things, dump them on top of brown rice, and pour some honey on it for "flavor." Yum.
It makes me very, very angry.
Here is a classic example. I had just prepared the family's dinner: turkey meatloaf, salad, baked potatoes with sour cream, salt and pepper, and garlic bread. Enter Hubby, home from work. I was just settling down with my salad topped with salmon.
Me: What are you doing?
Hubby: Getting some more sour cream.
Hubby: Because...I like it?
Me: No, you're not. Put it down.
Me: It's disgusting!! There is enough sour cream for a family of four on that potato already! Do you want to have a heart attack?? Maybe you'd like some potato with your heaping plate of sour cream!!!
I proceed to rip the container out of his hands. He looks defeated.
Hubby: You know, not all of us have high blood pressure. Just saying.
Me: I know. I'm sorry. I just can't watch you do it. I am experiencing food withdrawals and it makes me crazy.
I am lucky to have a husband with a high tolerance for crazy.
This too shall pass. My brain will adjust to the lack of starchy goodness. And, hey! What the heck is pinterest for if not for discovering new recipes? I'll bet there is a whole pinteresting world out there of low sodium food delights just waiting for me!
I can hardly contain myself.
And most importantly, there is comfort in knowing that millions of Americans are probably angry and hungry this January, just like me.